Hank's Prison Days
by King of the Chode
Summary: This is the great tale of how Hank Hill, salesman of propane and propane accessories, finally snapped. Follow Hank as he takes out his rage on the world, and ends up in a prison cell for life.


A/N: This is some of my earlier work, so don't expect much you fat, greasy nerds.

It was a hot summer day in Arlen, Texas. Hank had just finished mowing his lawn, when he walked in on Bobby going at it under the blanket. Bobby looked scared shitless when his dad walked into the room, but couldn't hold it any longer. He blew his gargantuan load all over Hank's new Wrangler jeans. "That's it Bobby! I'm gonna kick your ass!" Bobby knew he was in trouble when his father began taking off his belt so he made a bee-line for the door. Hank, as pissed as he was, wouldn't dare let Bobby get away that easy. He turned his belt into a makeshift lasso and roped Bobby around his 3rd chin and hauled his fat ass back to the room to face his divine punishment. Hank began beating his son in the face with his strong, callaused hands until Bobby was nothing more than a bloody, obese pile of fat homo in the middle of the floor. Knowing that someone might question the mess he left in his room, Hank grabbed a spare gore bag and shoved the remnants of his fat son inside, then buried it in Bill's backyard. When he got home he immediately called the police and watched as one of his only friends was hauled away screaming about having no idea how that got there. Peggy didn't even seem phased by the whole ordeal and just kept rambling on about some "substitute teacher" shit. Hank had finally had it with her and screamed, "I'm gonna kick your ass!" Peggy got up and tried to escape the angered propane salesmen, but his lightning quick reflexes made quick work of Peggy as he grabbed her by the arm and broke it backwards with one twist. Peggy screamed at Hank calling him "insane", but that just fueled his rage even further. He brought Peggy to his workshop where he threw her in the wood-chipper and gathered the remains in yet another spare gore bag. Instead of using Bill's backyard again he decided that Dale was a perfect scape goat considering all the stupid shit that came out his mouth on a daily basis. After burrying the bag in Dale's yard, Hank headed home, content with his life. The next day Hank was standing in the alley with his two friends enjoying a cold Alamo, when Boomhower said, "Gosh dang bang old shit man wheres that dang old bash dang son of yours and your ugly as gosh bang wife?" Hank responded with a calm and collected, "Get me an Alamo." "But you've already had 14 beers Hank! Maybe you should stop drinking so much." Dale said worriedly. "Fuck you!" Hank roared as he punched Dale's head into the fence and killed him right then and there. Boomhower, by this point, had shit his pants and was begging for Hank not to kill him. "Dang old Hank man I'll suck your dick if you don't kill me man." Boomhower pleaded. Hank didn't even respond as he dropped his pants and forced his last living friend to suck his massive 13 inch chode right there in the alley. Hank screamed "BWAAAAAAAAA!" as he came all in Boomerhower's throat, thus killing him as well. "Yup." Hank said as he cracked open an Alamo. About 5 minutes later, the Arlen police force arived and took Hank in. Hank stupidly denied all the crimes earning him a triple life sentence. "I'm gonna kick your ass!" he scream at the judge. He charged at the judge but was beaten in the head till near death by the Mexican baliff. Hank awoke in his prison cell and looked around. It was plain and depressing. He needed something to get his mind off the fact that he was in prison for life. He looked up and noticed a scrawny, white 18 year old kid. "What the fuck are you in here for, you little fag?" Hank asked and the nerd tried to hide. "I hacked into a business' database and stole some money." Interested, Hank asked, "What business was it?" The nerd looked around as if checking to see if anyone were listening in, leaned in, and whispered to Hank, "Strickland Propane." "!" Hank bellowed. He picked the nerd up by his head and punched him in the throat. The nerd was crying and choking so Hank ripped his pants off and decided to "entertain" himself with the pathetic excuse for a criminal. When Hank had his way with the nerd, the guards came to pick up his lifeless corpse and see to it that Hank got a new cellmate. When Hank's new cellmate arrived, Hank was excited and disgusted to see that it was none other than Joe-Jack. "Hey Hank!" Joe-Jack exclaimed. "Joe-Jack why is your lazy ass in here?" Hank asked. "Well you know John Redcorn? He tried to kill me so I stabbed him four times." Joe-Jack explained. "Now that is respectable, Joe." Hank stated. Life was starting to look up for Hank until about a month later during yard time, he saw Joe-Jack push a Mexican and get stabbed in the head. Hank BWA'd and charged in making quick work of the Mexican gang. But it was too late. Hank's lover was dead. Hank cried himself to sleep that night, then decided his life was over. He bought some rope from a fat nigger in the cell below him, said his prayers, and hung himself.


End file.
